The postman left a large padded letter/envelope as well as a box leaning against our porch wall. Put the envelope behind the box.
Picking up the box caused the envelope to drop through a crack between our concrete porch and the brickwork, clear to the ground, because our porch is a massive, we think, hollow, block of concrete with steps, of a type common in this area of the city. It must have been set in place with a forklift, and it does not wholly touch the house on either of two sides.
Jane saw the envelope go, but did not get who it was from or what it was. It could be a check, it could be an advert, it could be a legal document, a contract, no knowing what.
It is now in there, possibly fallen over underneath the porch, since we think that area may be hollow.
Jane called the post office to complain and a postal official-person is coming by sometime today to survey the situation and see if he can think of a way to access the lost letter. We don’t think so. We tried a long engineering-type T square, we tried a hand-and-a-half sword, we tried a horse training whip, and no joy: due to irregularities in the brickwork meeting the foundation, it’s hard even to get these items down to the ground in the crack, let alone find anything. We have contemplated digging a hole next to the porch to see if it is hollow, and if we could possibly fish it out sideways.
I contacted people I could think of who might send us such envelopes, but they say nothing recent. Sigh. If it were ONLY a check from my agent, we could get it replaced. But not knowing what it is—leaves a lot of room for who-from.
Oh, ouch! Can you shine a flashlight down into the crack and see the envelope?
Car antenna?
Bicycle flag (the whippy fiberglass rod)?
Willow branch?
One of those long automotive bolt-retrieving grabbers with the claw on the end?
It would stink if you went to all that trouble to get it, and it was an advertisement!
Now that you have established this is an issue, fill that crack with Great Foam or the equivalent, so nothing else disappears down the crack of doom.
One hopes it’s still intact when rescued, if it’s valuable.
So…. You could have a (slightly) remodeled front porch step ahead?
Sword, huh? Heheh, so, do the neighbors think you’re hunting subterranean critters with a vengeance? Heheh.
Or is the sword mightier than the epistle? Or a fulcrum with which to move the words? … :facepalm: Really, that sounded more clever in my head. :grins:
T-square does have the virtue of being a page layout tool! 😀 Very old school, but still useful.
—–
I long for a good starship or starbase / station story. Or… something.
I think I need to devote some time at night to reading. Still not back in the habit, still miss it, still not sure why I’m not.
Are you, perhaps, focusing on feline amity?
The twosome don’t know quite what to do with themselves. I haven’t been behaving as per usual all day today, and there have been Strange Noises Outside, not connected with their human staffer. But now that it’s night, one’s in the window, wondering at whatever’s been afoot in the neighborhood (and the highway beyond).
I’m not yet in bed to read for the night. Once there, I’ll probably have feline cohorts. Now that they’ve called it a truce and share the bed again, you’d think there was never an entire summer of standoff. Hah. Cats! — But unlike most humans, these two didn’t turn it into any more than that. I kow who the real culprit was: A certain younger feline got too big for his britches and thought he’d lord it over Mr. Non-Assertive. Which gentlebeing preferred to cede the issue in favor of outlasting Mr. Assertive, apparently. Whether that was sound strategy or not, the season’s changing, it’s cooler (still nowhere near cold), the bedspread’s changed yet again, and somehow, there is peace in our time. They’re sharing the bed (and me) again, and happy with each other.
Now if only it worked that well among humans around the globe. Hmm.
Before you start excavating, for what may turn out to be an advert, you might try to get a look at it using an endoscope like this; maybe your green doctor friend has one of those? Combined with a fairly stiff piece of wire to try to hook it or tip it, you might at least get a chance to see who it’s from.
Webcam and laptop to look-see?
Once many years ago I was a young associate at big law firm and I was with a paralegal moving documents from the 44th floor to the 48th floors on the elevator in a 60 floor building. One of the documents on the top of an open box got swept up in the air currents, and went down the crack between the elevator door and the floor, If you receive my meaning.
We decided right quick like there was nothing we could do/could have done to prevent or retrieve it. His name was Benjie and he was an artist working as a paralegal to support his real life. I had a crush on him, which went nowhere, it was 34 years ago and I believe I remember what I was wearing at the time. Such is how memory treats us.
You unfortunately could, I guess, jackhammer up your front steps? But only if you think it is an object of value for any reason to either of you. It might be a Publishers Clearing house award package, or a class action settlement mailing. Do you have a shop vacuum?
Bent nail on a sick?
uh, stick… yeah stick, that’s what I meant to say!
A crack big enough for a padded envelope to fall through is a crack big enough to be in need of fixing.
But meanwhile: a plastic milk crate for stuff like that to go in, in the future, so they won’t go down the crack?
Does the postman remember what type of mail the envelope was?
The endoscope sounds like a very good idea since it gives you a good chance of seeing if it’s worth fussing about as well as what the underside of the porch looks like. If it’s worth going after I’d stick some very sticky tape on the sword or an opened up wire hanger. Might be too hard to use a hook to grab the envelope. Then fill in that hole. Does kinda make one wonder what else has slipped in there over the years.
My analysis… I’ve been reading, finally a uncontrollable part of my funny brain I began calling my “research department” began to consider the issue, but had no great ideas.
– Construction: Generally, after the foundation is dug, poured, and backfilled, a “form” for the edges of a concrete stoop is framed. The center is filled with excess dirt and rocks from the foundation, perhaps some solid construction debris, then the concrete is poured over, essentially just a hard shell. It’s unlikely to be solid concrete, but needed something very solid to support the wet concrete. The question here is whether the laborer left a gap between the fill and foundation, or shovelled the dirt right up against it.
I think it is unlikely to have been hollow, though I can imagine possibly a couple ways (water washing into the gap, or critters digging under) some of the fill could have been evacuated. If it is hollow, then one could tap on it in various places with a regular hammer, and make a judgement from whether the sound is a solid “ping” or resonant “thump”.
Finally, you mentioned brickwork. That’s a complication. Generally that would be a decorative veneer applied to a concrete foundation. If that were done after the stoop was built, the gap from the stoop settling would be horizontal. So it was done before, but did they take it all the way down to the ground? The fearsome prospect is they only went as far down as they expected the stoop to settle, and left a brick-wide void. One could test that with a straightened wire clothes hanger with a 2″ sharp “L” bent on one end. Slide it into the gap and try to turn the foot of the “L” toward the house farther down. Hopefully the tip of the foot would scrape against brick all the way down.
– The padded envelope: Most likely it contained something like a photograph that wasn’t to be bent nor folded. Possibly a present from family? An award?
– Extraction: I think most easily obtained and useful would be an unframed mirror angled against the house, and a strongly focused light (a “Maglight”?), and one of the spring-loaded, spring-sheathed, four pronged “grippers”. Don’t just consider going in from the top, it might be “gettable” from the side too, particularly if there an unexpected void. One just has to hope that both the front of the foundation and the back of the stoop are solid all the way down. I’d say chances of that are good enough to make it worth the attempt.
Um, what else could possibly go wrong?
http://www.iflscience.com/environment/vast-magma-plumbing-system-detected-beneath-mount-st-helens
let’s just hope it doesn’t blow its stack again.
Two thoughts: 1) Unsolicited manuscript asking for advice…
2) Contract for publication of one of your stories (possibly in a foreign language.)
My suggestion is to go in from the side at the base of the stoop along the foundation by digging a hole just large enough to get an automotive inspection mirror such as http://amazon.com/General-Tools-Instruments-80560-Telescoping/dp/B0052EE1EU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446838733&sr=8-1&keywords=automotive+inspection+mirror.
Telescoping, swiveling and lighted are all pluses for this job and will allow more utility in decades to come. Thank you for a chuckle when I needed it most, and a puzzle to solve to distract me.
Did you hear back yet from your local post office re: the disappearing envelope (sounds like a Holmes pastiche)? If the envelope cannot be retrieved, one fervently hopes it isn’t anything irreplaceable!
If you can get at it from the side, maybe you can use something to sweep it out sideways?
Flexible parts grabber from the auto parts store?
Stick or lath and duct tape?
Perhaps the classic, chewing gum and baling wire!
Sounds like the Messenger Guild struck again. Time to consult the Assassins!