Coming to grips with chemo and change…
I’ve decided to go with the Gandalf look. I had reconciled myself to the Yul Brynner or Zhaan look, but I didn’t lose the hair with chemo. It just went snow-white and brittle. It’s not bad, now that I’m not trying to be Cher. It’s shoulder-length. I think I’ll let it grow and see if I can rock the look. I have a light hat I can wear when the wind’s blowing, so I don’t look like sfx surround me—it’s super light, and doesn’t stay put.
Complexion—well, that’s aged a whole lot. Dropping 40 sudden pounds will do that to you: I am developing…character. That’s my take on it. Always wondered where the lines would go. Not too bad.
Strength: that’s the big one. I don’t have much stamina for standing upright—or for walking very far. Give me an ever-so-slight grade and that stamina evaporates like fog in sunlight. A ramp is harder than stairs, coming or going. But everything works. I’m doing PT to correct some things surgery did—like make it hard to stand straight. I’m gaining on it.
What I don’t want is to miss out on things because of it…and most of all, because Jane, who delayed her hip surgery for two years of misery to take care of me, now has had her surgery and can get out and do things, and I’m keen on it. Party, you say? I’m for it. I’m for craft shows and horse shows and cons and whatever. So I tried the rolling walker, and that’s good on some things—we even went to my first-ever concert. (The Monkees revival.) But—the stamina thing. So, step two, I’m getting a portable powered scooter that will let me get up and go and keep both of us active, so we can get out to cons as they become active again, go to exhibits and events, and so I won’t flag while doing them. It’s a light one, something we can take in the car with little fuss, and will let us both enjoy whatever-event-it-is. Most times I don’t need it. I can get up and sit on a con panel and such—it’s the walk down the long hotel hall to get there that does me in. Or the 2″ rise in that hall that isn’t that visually apparent. I’m still doing PT and pushing the walking as I can. But—if this keeps me active, that’s a plus on a lot of fronts.
So I will be doing public events again. I’m grayer, older, thinner, and using some aids, but it’s what I have to do. It *is* a decision to use the help getting about, and I understand the resistence to saying I need a machine to do it, when maybe on some level I don’t, but hey, like the going-grey thing, it is what is, and with it, I’m able to keep active, so that’s why. Hoping to see many of you at conventions as the circuit picks up steam again, in whatever way it takes.
You inspire me CJ, thank you. Do you post here if you will be at a convention in Spokane? I would love to see you and bring a book for you to sign if that is what happens at one.
We hope to do one here.
You’re growing your hair out, and I whacked all mine off. About 15 inches worth. (https://theowlunderground.wordpress.com/2021/10/29/home-truths/) Very short now. Don’t have time to deal with it now, and it’ll just fall out when I have chemo. It’s always been fine and flyaway, and the last round of chemo just made it worse. Ends split like crazy. (There’s a tea tree oil shampoo I’ve had good luck with if you’re interested.) Chemo does a number on your stamina, too. The bugbear is that it’s an uphill battle to get it back. Hang in there. (Dylan Thomas had some pithy remarks on the subject.)
After Turkey Day, I’m going to be talking with the powers that be to see if I can’t get them to move mom to the next level of care after the first of the year and me moved into a 1 BR apartment as soon as possible after so I’ll be settled in time for chemo in Feb. (Two bedroom apartments are more in demand than 1 bedroom ones).
When I saw you (virtually) at World Fantasy Con I thought “Wow, I really like the Morgaine hairdo.”
When you are out and about at Cons you will have to let your Azi bodyguards help you, it’s what our Tape tells us to do.
Love it!
We love your books and we love your personality. We hope to see you where we used to. Good health to you and your new look.
HI – hope everyone is both safe and sane. I am glad to see you are getting some mobility. We can’t all run marathons as we age – I certainly can’t. But even if you move slower it is much better than looking for the ice flow. Have a happy turkey day for both you and Ms. Francher.
Jonathan up here in New Hampshire
I totally agree. You are an inspiration!!!
White hair is beautiful and gives people an opportunity to show love. On the subway they always give me a seat or offer to help and they say “you remind me of my grandmother.” I read and re-read your books–especially the Morgaine series because they are about love and relationship. The keys to life. Bless you!!!
The hair and skin should improve with time – think longer term. (I’m still dealing with skin recovering, almost three years after chemo ended. I use Amlactin for the flaky peely stuff.)
Stamina comes back also, but it can do weird things. (I take a lot more afternoon naps, partly because I’m waking up more often at night. Hot flashes from the estrogen blocker are involved, I think.)
My hair was already white….
(Today was annual eye exam. Probably won’t get a new pair this time: not much change. Could use readers, though, for the computer.)
and my primary care guy, who I saw the next day, thinks I’m in good shape.
My hair is getting out of control as well. Maybe I’ll get it cut after my booster is in full effect. One foot distance for however long from someone who has such a public facing job? Eep! Maybe I’ll get some hair ties. I need to do something: it’s ponytail/queue length, and I’m not used to keeping it out of my mouth.
The Monkees! A Hollywood-generated TV imitation of the Beatles, except they took over from the suits. That was the era when TV shows often had custom cars. Not like 007’s DB5 or Bullitt’s Mustang, but the Batmobile, the Green Hornet’s Black Beauty, the Munsters’ coach and Drag-u-la, and the Monkeemobile (partial list).
SF connection: Davy Jones inspired ST’s Chekov. (I have to wonder if Illya Kuryakin was also an inspiration.)
I’ve lost some conditioning cowering from Covid, myself. One thing that helps is un-optimizing things. I grab one mug of tea at a time to my computer, and try to go up and down my stairs often (somewhat dangerous). One recommendation I’ve adopted from UK’s NHS via BBC (IIRC) is 1.2g of protein per 1 kg of body weight to protect and build muscle.
Back in the day, early ’70’s, I found the hardest thing to get used to was lying on my ponytail while sleeping and not being able to turn my head as easily.
@ Walt: When I had a ponytail, I secured it with a flat barrette that echoed the curve of my skull at the nape of my neck — the kind that are one piece, a flat ribbon of metal with one end bent over to hold the other end closed. You can get them at Wal-Mart, etc., very inexpensive, in both goldtone and silvertone, brown and black, too. The ones I used were about 2-inches long — you kind of squish your ponytail flat to close the barrette. It holds your ponytail neatly and flattened right at the nape of your neck, and you can lie on them without hurting your head because they flatten the ponytail and angle it downward.
The main thing about getting older is that it beats the alternative by a mile:)
When my hair came back after chemo it was very white and much thinner and less curly. It was a shock because I had been coloring it for years. But I decided it was a good opportunity to be done with that, and I am seven years into it now and no regrets. Good for you for focusing on what’s important. Comment
True about the alternative! Somebody asked me why all their favorite writers were getting older, and my response was—Because we’re still alive! (and intend to stay that way!)
This time of year 4 years ago I was a few weeks into weekly chemo and my hair really started to come out on Thanksgiving weekend so my husband shaved it off with his beard trimmer. I finished chemo in January and when my hair started growing back it was a really nice silvery brown color, but now I’m back to regular brown with a lot of gray mixed in. It’s thinner than it was, but that may have to do with the fact that I have entered a new decade.
What I’m really happy to see getting back to normal is my fingernails. The drug I took caused both my fingernail and toenails to lift and they were quite brittle and fragile. Last week I had to cut them because they were getting too long which hadn’t happened in a long time.
Glad you are making progress. As we age, it’s so easy to lose muscle which makes it hard to get around.
I have some nails that are too flexible to trim well, and they also split (or as I describe it, delaminate). But they are longer – I’ve been leaving them alone more than I used to. (Less stress, maybe.)
I’d already gone to short hair, and it was already white, but it *is* thinner now.
Certainly glad you and Jane are getting around again. It takes a while to get that stamina back.
I’m undergoing another elbow surgery, this time to replace the right elbow, it’ll be on Dec. 8.
My younger brother has been diagnosed with myelofibrosis, a rare form of bone marrow cancer. He’s getting transfusions, and has an appointment with a renowned cancer treatment center at the Ohio State University to discuss marrow transplant options.
Brother was at the Ohio State University James Cancer Center yesterday for evaluation. They put him on the list for a stem cell transplant, sometime within a month or so. I cannot donate, as I am over 60 (their cutoff), and I’m having surgery in 4 days and will be stressed enough in healing. Right now, he’s getting transfusions every 6 – 12 days because his marrow is no longer making red blood cells. If the transplant doesn’t take, he estimates 6 – 12 months to live.
Good vibes toward your brother, Joe-ji.
Rough. So sorry. Hope something comes through for him.
Thank you.
I’m waiting on an update from him. He had four appointments this past Friday. His village held a blood drive this past Wednesday and he was the featured recipient.
For myself, my elbow replacement was successful. Very little pain. Range of motion is vastly increased. Of course, there is swelling and some painful spots, but not the elbow.
And yesterday morning, the dentist inserted the crown onto the implant she installed in August. Didn’t need anesthesia and no pain at all.
Phil said that the oncologist could only accept samples from donors 60 years old or younger. That means only brother Sam. who is 58. He turned out to be a 50% match, not good enough. Of my 5 younger brothers and me, we alternated in which parental traits were prominent. Dad was fair-haired, blue-eyes, as I am, and so was #3 son, Pete, who is deceased since 2009, and #5 son, Sam. We have more Northern Europe, England, and Irish, with a smattering of Scottish. Mom was brown-haired, brown-eyes, as are #2 son, Jeff, #4 son, Phil, and #6 son, Paul, who is deceased since 1984. They have Prussian, some German, and mostly French DNA.
Phil is blood type A-positive, and the James Cancer Center at The Ohio State University is looking for a better match for him. None of his children are good matches, either.
Without a viable donor, they estimate another year at best. He gets blood transfusions every 6 – 10 days.
He called me last week while I was still in quarantine, that they have found a match for him and he should start treatment in February. None of us in the immediate family were a close enough match, although one brother might have been, except for his age (67), and the youngest brother who died in 1984.
Fingers crossed for your brother!
Just spent 5 lovely days in the hospital, surgery on my elbow, and I need another operation to replace a ruptured tendon in that arm.
Hope you’re feeling better now! Can you set a goal of becoming the 2nd Bionic Man?
Possibly, but I can’t seem to get the hang of making that funny noise when I activate my telescopic vision……;)
Right now, I’m past the graft surgery by 5 days. My arm is in a brace which holds the arm at a 30 degree angle. The hospital has a very good system that allows me to access my test results, read the doctors’ notes, etc. It’s how I’ve learned about so much that’s been going on with my surgeries.
And a Happy Turkey Day (Thanksgiving ) to all those celebrating with or without friends and family today.
When deciding on how you want to use your day’s energy (insert ‘Spoon Theory’ here) it makes sense to offload some of the cost onto mobility assistance. Especially when PT is a much safer place for pushing yourself regaining physical health anyway. The mental/emotional boost of going out places is the other half of healing up and can’t be ignored.
I’ve been to a couple outdoor markets the last couple months and really liked it. And then when I got too hot or tired I hopped in the car and went home. It’s nice being able to decide how much fun to have and cutting out when needed. Hoping you are able to enjoy a fuller schedule augmented however you need to in order to have fun.
Hoping everybody had just a tad too much of all the good things including friends, family, food and whup cream on your punkin pie.
Stamina is very hard to get back. It’s a balancing act: You have to work just hard enough to build, but not so hard that you push yourself too much. And it takes a ridiculously long time of slow and steady to win the race.
@joekc6nlx, I might be having to see my orthopedist guy about my right elbow, too. The morning pain and stiffness is getting to be a booger.
I have 6 large USPS boxes to get into the mail headed for points E of the Mississippi, plus one that for reasons unknown must go FedEx to my SiL. The automated postal center, which lets me go to the Post Office during off hours, weigh, frank and mail my boxes was down yesterday. I’ll try again tonight.
The newest scam targets people trying to move, You contact a mover, get a quote, pay the “broker” a non-refundable fee. The movers show up and say “Oh this is much more than your estimate, and you’ll have to pay X thousands of dollars more to move. If you wave off the mover you lose the broker’s fee, and are at square one trying to find a mover. It bears repeating…”If they won’t take a credit card, turn around and run away.” My in-laws refused to pay the $57,000 moving fee for six rooms of furniture from Florida to Arizona. We could rent two large rental trucks for two weeks for less than the broker’s fee. It’s the packing and loading/unloading we have a problem with…
Can’t you hire that locally independent of any moving broker/company? Was it one of the national names?
That’s the problem. The mover was actually not connected with any of the major movers… Although they had “good” reviews, I suspect that those are faked reviews. The broker handles several locally owned movers. According to BBB the broker has a poor rating. The only alternatives are to hire an expensive national firm or for my in-laws to move themselves. That’s not happening – they are in their 90s. ReadyGuy is flying east to help resolve the problem.
we have had good luck with U-Haul, they have an option in many areas to hire movers to pack the truck. Might be an option, Good luck!
Was the ‘mover’ the one initially contacted, or did the ‘broker’ pop up in response to a request for a quote? I’d want to know that my query went directly to the mover, rather than being passed through a third party, and a nonrefundable deposit request is BS, IMHO, unless it locks in a rate.
I honestly don’t know. That’s one of the reasons ReadyGuy is on his way to Florida to untangle messes and to drive the in-laws and their mobility scooter equipped van here to AZ. They’ll get here in time for possible snow in AZ.
I’ve heard (from relatives in Phoenix) that there is already snow, although further north.
WHat a mess—hoping this resolves.
Even reputable moving companies can fck up their estimates. They apparently didn’t think my father was going to move his workshop…about 10k pounds.
Everything they are going to ship has been loaded, and ReadyGuy plus in-laws are on the road back to AZ. Their new house has been cleaned to best of my ability. The carpet cleaners are laid on for tomorrow. All the utilities are now in their name, the postal services is starting to deliver mail in their name, and the short list of items to be fixed is down to three items that a handyman can fix. The doors have been rekeyed, and I am exhausted. Now I need to wrap presents…
Those little wheelie things are fun to drive, IMHO; but then, I like driving wheel chairs around too!
Shopping carts make a reasonable substitute for a walker as well.
I think what I’m trying to say must be that one should look for the fun and joy in whatever must be done.
White hair is beautiful. Mine is a mousy combination of grey and brown. I much prefer your new look.
I expect we gents here are of an age and know what BPH is. A week ago yesterday I had a new-ish minimally invasive procedure marketed as “Rezum”, q.v., that essentially steam-cleans the channel. I nearly passed out from a vaso-vagus reaction, the doc didn’t provide effective pain management (sedation), and it took an hour before I was “in charge” again. (Insist on effective pain management! That’s a mighty small catheter they have to send that steam through, with no room for insulation!) Said they have about one like me a week. Why? Nevertheless, by the end of the week, all was back as it was before. It’s expected to take a couple months for the channel to clear, but already I’ve slept the last two nights through without needing to get up to pee. YMMV.
Been slow catching up. Glad to hear of your progress. Puts my little brush with C to shame. Battling mostly now with psychological impact of “androgen antagonists” smashing my hormone balance to hell. Like teenage angst’s big brother . While to go yet, tho’. Apparently I’ll get acne when I quit.
One thing helps me a lot. A quote I got from Joan Baez’ autobiography of all places.
‘Je n’ai pas peur – je tremble avec courage.’ Attributed by her to an American War Correspondent sheltering in the same bunker in Hanoi whilst being bombed by B52s in about ’68
Quite a girl, Joan. Do you know her?
18 or so hours until 2022 here. Best wishes to all the salads that 2021 was a good year for you, and that 2022 will be much better.